Finding freedom as a gay Black man in San Francisco, and family through Black Brothers Esteem

Education is the through-line of William Dean’s life. A self-described “educator,” Dean has spent years of his life teaching English in high schools, founding and teaching at a charter school, volunteering at the library teaching adults how to read, and now leading a reading group with SFAF’s Black Brothers Esteem. 

“My father had an eighth grade education,” said Dean, as he explained the influence of his immigrant parents on his upbringing. “He always told us, ‘You are going to college.” And he only had to say that to us once. He spent his time as a parent bringing home books, musical instruments, and all of these things that would sustain our education.” 

Growing up in New Jersey, and spending his early adulthood teaching in a school there, Dean realized he needed a change in order to live his life “free as a gay Black man.” An opportunity with a teacher exchange program offered the chance to live in Las Vegas for a year, and during that time he traveled back and forth to San Francisco on long weekends and holidays. 

“I realized–Oh, this is what I want to do,” he said. “I want to be here. So I gave up the program, and I never went back to New Jersey!”

After a brief stint as a floral designer, Dean continued his career teaching at a school in Belmont, and then was tapped to help start a charter school in East Palo Alto with a professor from Stanford. For nine years he taught English, and was appointed dean of the school during his last year. 

He found freedom as a gay Black man in San Francisco after his move from Vegas, but also saw his community affected by the AIDS epidemic. Dean was diagnosed in 1991. 

“It just so happened that all of my friends were starting to get sick and were dying,” he said, which is what prompted him to get tested. “I was devastated.” 

Over time, Dean saw his community continue to shrink. Although he was fortunate not to experience many significant health impacts from his diagnosis, he felt like he didn’t have long to live. At the same time, he felt survivors’ guilt with each passing year–wondering, “Why is everyone else dying, but not me?” 

“I also had this feeling that there really wasn’t any need to make friends, because they’re not going to be here long. It did take me a long time–through my journal writing–to realize that I do have a purpose and that I need to be about the business of going on with it.”

Through a friend, Dean was introduced to Black Brothers Esteem (BBE), a support group for Black gay men, about ten years ago. 

“It may look like a social group, but we have more going on in terms of support that we give each other around whatever programs that we’re having. We find ways to help each other. I’m so grateful that I became a part of BBE–it’s a family, from my perspective.” 

Early on, a staff member found out that Dean was a tutor at the San Francisco Library Program “Project Read,” which tutors adults to improve reading skills. 

“Shawn said to me, ‘Oh, I have an idea. Why don’t you tutor some of the brothers who may need help in their reading?’ And I was reluctant, because my process is one-on-one. So then he suggested a reading group, and one that would be a safe and healing space.” 

Brothers Who Read was born, and will celebrate its ninth anniversary this year. 

The group meets weekly to read portions of books together, and discuss the way the books relate to their own lives. Most often, the group selects literature written by Black authors or featuring Black men as characters. Homophobia, isolation, racism, and discrimination are all themes the group has grappled with during their time together. 

“The biggest success we’ve had are the conversations and the discourse we’ve had after reading the books,” said Dean. “That’s been fulfilling, because everyone gets to deliver their interpretation. There’s no right or wrong. We respect and appreciate each other’s input. And we’ve even been able to engage with some authors who have met our group on Zoom.”

Dean said that for him, the group is important because some segments of society label Black men as “non-readers.” 

“I hope our group dispels that myth. That certain people don’t read,” he said. “There is a need for types of literature that include us and feature us. We exist, and we are avid readers.”